EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
