i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
