Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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