sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
