This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
