my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
