based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
