why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
