At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i think i just lost a toe
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
