Everything about him screamed your future.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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