Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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