after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
