So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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