I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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