oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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