You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
