I can tuck mytits in my pants
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
