I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
