I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
