If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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