ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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