I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
