I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
