everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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