thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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