he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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