Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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