i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
