im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
