Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think my vagina is haunted
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im holly from the hills drunk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
