i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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