I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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