I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize