Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
