There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
