she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
