How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can tuck mytits in my pants
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
