I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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