I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
