Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
