why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
