She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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