I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
