I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
