i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
