Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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