ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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