I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
