You're a womanizer and a bitch.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize