she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
