I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
