So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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