Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
