I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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