I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
