I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
organizing the empties. That sober.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
