What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
