I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
