One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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