Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
