just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
