when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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