I am spending my child support on dildos
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
