this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
