Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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