If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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