if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
