I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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