The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
