Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
