You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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