Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
