Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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