Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
