Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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