What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
