"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
