If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
