He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im part way to drunk.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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